Daddy, Papa and Me

You'll see it when you think about trying to explain to a 6-year-old that you are "Domestic Partnerized" and what that means and how that is different from being married. Try explaining to a 6-year old that people outside of your circle of friends and family won't let you be married because her family is 'less than' and they are scared it will hurt their marriage. Try looking into a 6-year-old's face and tell her that yes, the government discriminates against her family (Emma insightfully asked a couple months ago if it was like people not letting black people drink from the same water fountain in "Martin Luther King's time" in response to a discussion about why some people won't let us get married).

It's not easy and till recently we've just said "we are married" and put an asterisk in our head "We are married (*but well, it's a "Domestic Partnership" dear and that's not really married and hopefully someday we'll be allowed to be married. We are working on it)"

It wears on you. That asterisk. It gnaws away at your mind, reminding you constantly you are 'less than' in the eyes of so many, especially the law. It's insidious.

And it's especially insidious when you have to explain it to your 6-year-old daughter.

No more.

In about 30 days we'll be able to say "We are married."

There will be no asterisk. We'll be drinking from the same fountain. We will not need to explain to our children anything. We will be married.

And it flows from there. When we go to Europe this summer, a long-delayed trip to visit friends in Germany, we won't have to equivocate to custom officers. We won't have to say "Well, we have a domestic partnership" and then start explaining what that means. No, we'll just say: "We are married". What that means will be quite clear. No explanation, no asterisk needed. When we come home, and they start processing us back, we will not separate ourselves (as we've had to do before) at customs because we aren't "a family," no we'll go up as a family, intact. If the customs officer asks why. We'll say "WE ARE MARRIED." We won't have to hem and haw trying to explain to him or her that well, we are partners and what that means. No, we'll say "We are married." And if THEY hem and haw we'll show them the license from the most populous state in the union and we'll again reiterate that "WE ARE MARRIED." THEY will have to hem and haw and explain to us and to our 6-year-old daughter their own asterisks and equivocations.

Suddenly, in this and many other instances, we stand on equal ground.

No longer are we looking up trying to explain that we should be equal and asking "Please sir, treat us equally." No, we are equal and stand thusly. We won't have to beg for equal treatment or explain that we'd like to be treated that way because, well, we have a domestic partnership and this it what it means and "Please maam, treat us equally."

We stand equal now.

Now I know what the word "empowered" means.

The legal implications will start to flow later. There is more work to do, changes in DOMA, details in state law, etc. But on the day we get married there will be one huge change.