Daddy, Papa and Me

About 3 and a half years ago we tested Emma for her verbal abilities because we notice they were behind compared to what is 'normal' and considering the kids her age we knew. The public school district suggested language therapy and we accepted. So for three school years Emma attended a language therapy class twice a week with two of her friends (the twins). It did seem to help a lot and she made huge progress.

This year we had an IEP (Individualized Education Program) earlier this spring with the language therapist and her two preschool teachers. The language therapist's assessment was that Emma had caught up to the average for her age in expressive ability (she's always been ahead in receptive language) and the teacher concurred. She had a few things she could work on (reading), but was doing well.

Additionally, we had our annual teacher-parent conference with the two main preschool teachers. The report was glowing. Emma was socially, creatively and academically well adjusted and developed. She had "big emotions" but we knew that.

Then later, around April, we had a meeting with the learning specialist at the school who had been working with Emma (and a few other kids) who needed some help in reading to prepare for 1st grade and with the other full-time specialist. Her tests and experience suggested that Emma was struggling with reading, specifically with attaching and remembering phonemes (or remembering the last sound in a word, etc). They suggested we get help with her and work with her to prepare her for first grade and reading since she was behind the others (24 kids) in her peer group.

Hence the Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry you see me reporting on. It was our attempt to teach Emma reading, writing and other topics (through the journal).

Then, in May, we asked for an SST (I can't remember what it stands for). This was set up by us and the school. In attendance were the two preschool teachers, the two learning specialists, the language specialist from the public school, the first grade teacher and us. We discussed Emma's educational future at length. On the board we wrote down Emma's strengths (social, happy, quickly grasps complex subjects, bright, artistic and creative), her challenges (struggles with reading and a bit too with math). We discussed some of the things we could do over the summer to help her catch up with the rest of the class in reading and some other areas. Overall we felt confident about her 1st grade year.

Then, the last day of classes, about a month after this last meeting, the learning specialist called about Emma. She said it was important and it would be good if we returned her call ASAP. We did.

She said in this conversation that in the preceding month Emma seemed to have hit a wall and had made no progress. She was concerned about Emma's progress and felt that putting her in first grade would not be advisable. She strongly advised we hold her back for one year of kindergarten. She felt that Emma was so far behind that she might not be able to catch up. She felt that the strain of being so far behind and the overwhelming challenge would make hurt her self esteem strongly enough that it would hold her back academically. The first grade class at the school is quite intense.

I was angry. Furious actually wouldn't describe it strongly enough. So angry in fact that during the entire conversation I did not say a single word. It was on speaker phone and Guy did any talking that was done on our side. Guy was upset, but he's better and anger-management than I am... and when I'm angry I usually shut down.

Now, before you say something that might sound condescending, I've been told, several times now, with a verbal pat on the head... "oh that's most parents' reaction when they are told their [amazing and perfect] children are behind or learning disabled"

No, that wasn't it. Granted, we have a parents' view of our child. She is amazing to us. And damn it, she is. But I also know that she has struggled with verbal expression and reading. She _might_ have a learning difference or disability. That doesn't anger me. I've had my own problems with education (more later).

No, what bothered me was that after four intensive meetings over four months, nothing at all was ever said about retaining Emma. Nothing. And now, after planning in detail Emma's future in first grade and, more importantly, getting Emma excited about 1st grade, we are told at the last minute that she should be held back.

The learning specialist wanted us to meet with them ASAP to discuss this. We were leaving for Mexico, but she felt that it was important enough to delay our trip.

After some advice from several people, parenting friends online and IRL, we decided to not to delay our trip. And I was angry enough that that was probably a really good idea.

We left for Mexico the next day and had a great time.

When we returned, we had another meeting with the two learning specialists, the two preschool teachers, the first grade teacher, the lower head of school and us.

Phew... I guess that's what you get when you pay the big bucks for private school. A very focused individual attention.

So, we had the meeting, we discussed the learning specialists' advice. In the meantime we had talked to several parents, teachers, learning specialists and others. I had also did a lot of study of the research literature.

Before I go on. As angry as I was and we were with the learning specialist and to a lesser extent with the preschool teachers.... we love, respect and trust all three of them. They have Emma's welfare as their sole concern and the best of intentions. After three years, we believe that strongly. If we didn't believe that and respect them, we wouldn't have taken this advice as seriously and painfully as we did. That doesn't mean they are correct though.

So, tomorrow I'll tell you our decision (hint, unless hit with some huge new information, 1st grade) and what we are doing.

This is already long enough.