Daddy, Papa and Me

This 49 year old white descendant of the slave holders of Virginia, born into a segregated South, who experienced a painful desegregation of his school at 7 years old...

took his 6 year old black daughter, descendant of slaves of Arkansas into the voting booth this afternoon...

to vote for the first black president of the United States of America in over two centuries, a son of a white woman and a black man.

The depth of the meaning was overwhelming.

Two historically persecuted minorities decided yesterday to not transcend their own personal bigotries and instead eliminate the rights of another persecuted minority.

Gay Americans, who have been historically beaten, killed, denied family and legal protection in the past had a hard-fought for right of equal treatment under the law eliminated yesterday.

Mormon Americans, who have had their church legally disbanded, were killed, beaten and hounded across a continent because of their 'peculiar' beliefs, including plural marriage, spent millions of dollars and sent out tens of thousands of volunteers to pass a constitutional amendment to eliminate our rights. An overwhelming number of Mormons could not look past their personal bigotries and show empathy to another group.

African-Americans, who were enslaved, denied the right to vote, lynched and hounded, and discriminated against, voted in overwhelming numbers, 2 to 1, to eliminate the rights of of another minority. Every other ethnic and racial group, Asians, Hispanics, Indians, Whites, etc. voted by a majority to oppose the discrimination. Sadly, one of th most amazing days in presidential history, the election of the first African-American president, many African-Americans could not look past their personal bigotries to show empathy to another group.

And so, my rights, our rights were eliminated in the state constitution due in a huge part to large numbers of these two minorities.

Shame.

My heart hurt hearing the news, my anger welled. But today we continue the fight. I have lived through beatings, hatred, aversion therapy, excommunication and the denial of my rights. This is just one, albeit a painful one, setback. We've been married 4 times, if it takes 100 times, we will push on until we too are granted the equal protection under the law, all of us, we should be guaranteed.

And I will remember the MILLIONS of people who love and support us. The 90 year old woman who came up to me yesterday and wished us luck saying we deserved marriage and she was with us. The new citizen, an immigrant from China, who stopped his jog to tell me that he supported what I was doing because, in his heavily accented words, "It's about freedom."

And all our amazing friends and family, many of who are Mormon and African-American, who gave so generously and worked so hard, how have given us great and amazing love and support. Thank you!

These memories will keep us working hard. For one day, sooner than later, we WILL be fully equal under the law.

Until that day... I need to go get our daughter ready for school.

Thank you everyone.

So, the Mormon leaders, after calling on their members to spend millions of dollars and tens of thousands of man hours to pass an amendment to STRIP US OF OUR RIGHTS, an inherently cruel and disrespectful act and devoid of love,

NOW asks it's members to treat others with:

"civility, with respect and with love."

I'm sorry, too late for that. They've been calling for cruelty, disrespect and the opposite of love for months now, this rings hollow.

As I was taught as a Mormon, to repent you must

Feel sorrow for what you did.
Ask for forgiveness.
Rectify the wrongs you did.
Forsake the sin.
Receive forgiveness.

So, if the Mormon church wants forgiveness for the wrong it did to us, here is what they must do.

Acknowledge what they did to pass the hateful prop 8 was wrong and publicly ask forgiveness.
Call for the funding and passage of the repeal of prop 8's spiteful amendment.
Never fund another anti-gay amendment or similar legislation ever again.

Then receive forgiveness.

I won't hold my breath.

UtahCog, Isocrat and Chedner have some great responses to this:

To quote:

There was a protest in SLC last night as there was one here. We marched in the one here and I'll post some photos and my thoughts later this weekend.

But UtahCog was there and writes about it. He also speaks to the LDS church leadership's apparent indignation that someone would be upset at what they said and did. I like UtahCog, he is reasonable and thoughtful, and in this case (as with many), he is dead on.

Ok, I admit, I'm not sure boycotts work unless they are massive and directed. There is a strong movement afoot to boycott Utah, companies owned by Mormons and specific businesses that are on record for supporting Proposition 8.

I am dead set against the first two categories and all for the third.

First, we won't be boycotting Utah. We have family and friends in Provo (one of the most conservative cities in the US unfortunately), family and friends who opposed the insidious elimination of our rights with money, deeds and words. We aren't going to punish them by not visiting. Utah, especially Park City and Salt Lake City which host the Sundance Film Festival, have a lot of citizens including Mormons who strongly opposed Proposition 8 and would be most hurt by a boycott. A boycott against Utah not hit it's target.

John Aravosis has called for the boycott of Marriott because it is owned by a Mormon. This seems to fighting bigotry with bigotry. Just _because_ he's a Mormon doesn't mean he supported proposition 8 or the LDS church organization's coordinated push to eliminate our rights. Boycotting someone because of their religion (and not because of their support of discrimination) is wrong. Now, IF Marriott did indeed support in money or deeds the elimination of our rights, then I'd say "BOYCOTT!!"

That said, there are a lot of companies that supported the elimination of our rights and THOSE should be boycotted. Some of them here in San Francisco. For example, Malta and Co, a property management company, financially supported Proposition 8. It needs to be noted, that the employees did not, but the ownership did officially as a company. Though I feel sorry for the employees who opposed prop 8, the company knew it was it was doing. They probably have a lot of gay and lesbian clients (and employees) and you can't go on record as to supporting the elimination of their rights without repercussions. Already, on Yelp (a highly used SF rating and recommendation site), they are being downgraded.

It's companies and professionals like this that deserve our refusal to fund their support of discrimination.

Oh, and as to the protests (as long as they are peaceful) in front of Mormon temples and headquarters, they seem an appropriate response, among others.
Dale Carpenter at The Volokh Conspiracy disagrees and feels there is a better response. I disagree (I won't do it, but the LDS leadership must understand their actions were/are reprehensible) and agree. I like this suggestion.

So, Equality Utah has an EXCELLENT response to the LDS church's coordinated, organized and official campaign to end the rights of marriage for tens of thousands of families...

hold them to their word. (read below and then come back here and SIGN THE PETITION).

Here is the press release in full:

Throughout the recent election cycle, the LDS Church has demonstrated its willingness to participate in political issues by asking its members to do all they can do, including donating their means and their time, to support California's Proposition 8, which amended the state constitution and eliminated same-sex couples right to marry by defining marriage as between a man and a woman. The LDS Church has articulated it is not "anti-gay" but rather pro-marriage and it "does not object to
rights for same-sex couples regarding hospitalization and medical care, fair housing and employment rights, or probate rights." On November 5th, Elder L. Whitney Clayton stated the LDS Church does not oppose "civil unions or domestic partnerships." In response to these statements, Equality Utah is drafting legislation for the 2009 General Session of the Utah Legislature to address each of the issues
mentioned by the LDS Church.
During this press conference Equality Utah will be asking the LDS Church to demonstrate its conviction on these statements as well as its willingness to secure such rights for lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender Utahns. Today we have a great opportunity before us to begin to bridge the divide between the gay community and the LDS community and to seek out common ground. I take LDS Church leaders at their word that they are not anti-gay and that they sincerely understand that gay and transgender individuals and their families are in need of certain legal protections and basic benefits. I appreciate their statements that they do not oppose legal protections for gay people like those already enacted in California law that do not conflict with their genuinely held beliefs about marriage. This is our chance to come together and work to enact basic legal protections for gay Utahns. I am hopeful that the LDS Church
will accept our invitation to heal our communities by bringing its considerable social and political influence to bear in support of laws that prevent discrimination and provide for the legitimate needs of all Utahns and their families.
~Senator Scott McCoy

Excellent, better than protest, better than petitions to eliminate their tax-exempt status.

Ask them to stand UP to their words. If they do, then perhaps the rift might start to be healed. If they don't, than the LDS church leadership will be exposed as hypocrites and bigots. They said it was about 'marriage' and not about 'gay' people and that they were willing to allow our families some rights as long as we don't call it marriage (which still.. I think is wrong and discriminatory, but so be it). They are on record as saying so. Let's hold them to their word.

about the LDS church's response to the criticism it's receiving.

In a word: balderdash. To quote from Mohohawaii...

Here goes [a quote for the church's press release]:

It is disturbing that The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is being singled out for speaking up as part of its democratic right in a free election.

Anyone who has kids recognizes this opening gambit instantly. Translation: "I was just being so good and minding my business and those meanies came up and started pointing at me." The kids have been fighting and the instigator of the fight knows that consequences are on the way. The instigator therefore puts up a smoke screen to preemptively establish victimhood. This always has two parts: a profession of one's own virtue plus an accusation of unfair treatment. It would be funnier if we were talking about eight year olds instead of an esteemed religious organization.

Many people, Andrew Sullivan among them, have noticed that something changed with the passage of the insidious proposition 8. I've noticed it within my own thoughts and growing resolve. The gay rights movement has gone through several iterations from the early days of nearly-lone dedicated activists like Phyllis Lyon and Del Martin, to the awakening of Stonewall to the devastation of AIDS, to hope (complacency?) of the 90's, the community has undergone several shifts and awakenings.

This one seems different, more intense, deeper and broader. People I know who have never been 'activists' are now, people I know who have been 'activists' (from people like me who have been episodic, sometimes accidental activists to full-time activists) seem to have a deeper resolve. It's only been just over a week, but somethings changed.

Dan Savage said something today that seems very true...

I just wrote 'Something is afoot' and Silph commented he wanted to know what that will tangibly look like. Well, I only have some half-formed answers and I'm working on them, but I do have the first step forward...

Saturday, two days from now, there will be a nation-wide protest against H8, in every state and city.

Enough of all this. Enough of the denial of equality, enough of the fear, enough of the silence, enough of the hate, enough of the absurd arguments. Just plain enough.

Go, find where and when the protest is in your city here: http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/?t=anon and then join in.

Better yet, make flyers and pass them out, put up signs everywhere, spread the word on Facebook, SMS, YouTube, MySpace, email lists, etc. If there is not a protest in your city, you better get cracking and ORGANIZE ONE!

If you are gay, lesbian, transgendered, there are few excuses. You are not too old, not too young, not too rich, not too poor, your dance class isn't more important, your lunch date can be postponed.

If you are a friend, family or ally of someone who is GLBT, then do your best to please help us. This protest is your protest too. Our equality is your equality. Our advancement is your advancement. Please help us.

If you were upset or embarrassed by the actions of your co-religionists by this, please, please stand with us.

It is only a start. There are years ahead. We've worked years, decades for our equality... it's time to step it up, it's time to step up.

(and if you are in San Francisco, the protest info is here: http://protest8sf.wordpress.com/

Tomorrow, fed by internet activism, a protest against H8 and discrimination has sprung up. It will be in hundreds of cities nationwide, and globally. You can join. Find your city at http://jointheimpact.wetpaint.com/.

Why? Do protests work? Why me?

Because protests are not just to show the world and those that oppose our equality that we are strong and we will not be pushed, they are also to make our voice heard in a world and to politicians that have much to distract them.

They are also for us. Protests let the kid in Rural Religious Town in the state or country of DeepRed, that they are NOT ALONE. There are thousands, hundreds of thousands of people around the country and world that WILL NOT let their rights be trampled on. It will give them inspiration and hope, possibly help them get the courage to act. The protests are for us because they inspire new activism, new work, new energy in all of us.

But it only works if the numbers are large and people pay attention. They have worked before, from King's march on Washington to Stonewall and many times before.

It's time to say ENOUGH. It's time to start a movement that can't be stopped. It's time to step it up.

Protests this weekend were in over 300 cities. We went with a lot of friends, I'll be posting photos today, and after some reflection, my thoughts later this week.

For now, here are some roundups:

Andrew Sullivan
Towleroad
Citizen Crane

99% of this protest and reaction is exactly what we need, civil, loud and to the point. Those that oppose us hate it, they think they are being 'persecuted' (a richly ironic claim), but that tells me we are on the right track. I am not sure where we go from here, I'm still considering my own future actions, and there will be some now that I'm inspired even more to do even more.

Sadly, there are reactions and actions I really hope die a quick death...

I KNEW I was ahead of the curve. Now can we consider it?

Obama updated his transition website to include these specific rights for GLBT people:

1. Expand Hate Crimes Statutes
2. Fight Workplace Discrimination (ENDA)
3. Support Full Civil Unions and Federal Rights for LGBT Couples (repeal DOMA)
4. Oppose a Constitutional Ban on Same-Sex Marriage
5. Repeal Don't Ask-Don't Tell
6. Expand Adoption Rights
7/ Promote AIDS Prevention

Yes. We. Can.

And will.

I know promises are often not kept by politicians, I also know that Obama won't do everything promised (either because promises are made cynically or because there is sincere opposition later), but _I_ will do everything in my power that each of these above happens. I will do EVERYTHING I can to make sure that the FotF, FRC, AFA and CFWA are called out on their fear and hate-mongering that they will surely do. Luckily Dobson's Focus on the Family had to just cut it's staff by 20%. They should be reduced to 0 because of their fear and hate-mongering.

(via Isocrat)

AnotherGayMormon posted seven scriptures every Mormon should read before voting yes on proposition 8 the day before the election. Apparently, either most didn't read those scriptures, didn't believe them, interpreted them out of existence or ignored them:

Reposted here for a reminder:

Jesus commanded, "…Ye shall not esteem one flesh above another, or one man shall not think himself above another."
(Book of Mormon, Mosiah 23:7)

"And again I say unto you, let every man esteem his brother as himself."
(Doctrine and Covenants 38:24)

"And there was a strict command throughout all the churches that there should be no persecutions among them, that there should be an equality among all men; That they should let no pride nor haughtiness disturb their peace; that every man should esteem his neighbor as himself…"
(Book of Mormon, Mosiah 27:3-4)

"We believe that religion is instituted of God; and that men are amenable to him, and to him only, for the exercise of it, unless their religious opinions prompt them to infringe upon the rights and liberties of others…."
(Doctrine and Covenants 134:4)

We do not believe it just to mingle religious influence with civil government, whereby one religious society is fostered and another [prohibited] in its spiritual privileges, and the individual rights of its members, as citizens, denied."
(Doctrine and Covenants 134:9)

"…it was strictly contrary to the commands of God that there should be a law which should bring men on to unequal grounds."
(Book of Mormon, Alma 30:7)

I reported on this before, Equality Utah had what I thought was the best answer to the LDS church's push to eliminate our rights in California. Hold the church to their words (Of course, they are already backing off, the church that is).

And now they've made progress towards their goals of the "Common Ground" between the church (as they have said) and our rights. As their recent email states:

We are so pleased with the outcome -- the first of our Common Ground Initiative bills to be heard by the legislature has gained momentum. After Senator McCoy’s thoughtful presentation of the bill, the Committee passed it with a favorable recommendation. The bill now moves into the 2009 General Session with good legislative support.

This is one of 6 bills that Equality Utah hopes to get passed based on what the Church has _said_ it'd support and what people _say_ they will support. Specifically written to be exactly what they said they'd agree to... common ground.

They are reprinted here in the "continued" part, go sign the petition:

Go to Typelizer and see what 'blog type' your favorite blog is (or yours). Interestingly, mine was INTP.. Thinker. When I do the tests I am almost always INFP or, to a somewhat lesser extent, INTP. When I, or someone who knows me read the descriptions, they seem pretty spot on. So, I guess I'm not surprized my writing style comes across the same way. I don't want to put too much into this :), but I wonder if I am more "T" than "F" in my writing because I'm less attune to the fact that I'm talking _to_ someone while writing (and feel a bit more emboldened?). Anyway, interesting. Oh, and on a side note, the blog I write for in my job The OpenHelix Blog, not so surprizingly gets "Scientist." :)
HatTip: Andrew Sullivan, who tried out a few and thinks it's working pretty well.

The CA Supreme Court has decided to hear the argument that Proposition 8 is not an amendment but rather a revision to the constitution of the state.

I am so torn on that. Why?

Philosophically I am all for striking down prop 8. It _is_ a revision. The constitution is pretty clear and the courts have pretty clearly stated that this is an issue of a fundamental right of equal protection of a class of people . The proposition basically revises the constitution to eliminate a class of people from equal protection, eviscerating the meaning of a fundamental part of the constitution. It's not an amendment, it's a revision. By the logic of allowing 8 to stand, one now has precedence to easily (it's SO easy apparently in this state) to get an amendment on the ballot and possibly passed that would ban hispanics from owning property (the immigrant boogie man conservatives seem to love lately) or ban Mormons and Scientologists from keeping secret rites in their temples and places of worship.

Politically, I'm not so excited about it for two reasons. It will create a backlash from the anti-gay groups and supporters (face it, if you supported 8, whether you feel you are or not, you are anti-gay. You are anti allowing me to marry because I'm gay, that's called anti-gay). There isn't much they can do to reverse it (it's a state matter, they'd have to call a constitutional convention, that's not going to happen). But it will hurt the movement. And on a more ephemeral note, the striking down of 8 will take the winds out of the sails of a new and quickly growing movement of gay activism. I've been amazed at how much fire this has created in the GLBT community. Fire that was smoldering but now is blazing. New groups, organization, dedication. The elimination of 8 won't kill that, but it won't help either. This is the fuel to the fire that could cause even more sweeping changes for our rights. The travesty of it could cause the repeal of DOMA, DADT and the passage of ENDA and hate crime laws. It could be the beginning of the end for the anti-gay movement because it has caused the beginning of something very big in the gay rights movement.

But, it's an nagging doubt. Either way I'll find something good in the final decision :D

Family Equality blog points out this 'live blogging' session tonight at 7pm ET about marriage (one of the things I'm talking about in the renewed fire of the GLBT rights movement) and rights). The bloggers are leaders from CA, FL and AR marriage amendment fights. I unfortunately won't be able to attend (though I have questions). I have to get Emma from school and then going to a school meeting about a Kiva project idea I have for the school...

but if you have a chance, check it out: http://www.bilerico.com/

I posted about this 6 months ago. After we (by "we" I mean Guy) spent a year of haggling, spending and working with the city, we got permits and the contractors started tearing up sidewalk! Well, now that the rainy season (our growing season here in SF) is here, we've started planting (by 'we' I mean me). It's not completely planted, but it's on it's way.

Before

After tearing up and putting pavers (reused brick from a fireplace we had taken out for safety reasons)

Today after some planting (still more to be done and also a bit of growing in of course)

You can see more photos here.

The plants are either SF Bay area natives or drought resistant plants from similar climates. Here is a link to someone who did this with their driveway in Toronto.

While planting last weekend, I had three people stop to tell us how wonderful it was looking and how so thankful they were that we were doing this. Now.. if we can only get the rest of the neighborhood to go along :D. Advantages: MUCH less run off to the ocean, but better ground moisture to the plants, better looking, etc.